(These jokes have been curated from the Web.)

How to keep everybody happy!

Mullah Nasruddin had two wives.

The Mullah, however, lost his peace as the wives were always quarrelling. The subject of the quarrel was, of course, Mullah himself.

The wives constantly asked him as to which one of them was his favourite.

"I love you both equally," was Mullah's stock reply. But this answer would never satisfy the wives and they would pester him, "Which one of us do you love the most?"

Finally, Mullah hit upon a splendid idea to end the quarrels once and for all.

He secretly gave each of them a red bead and cautioned each woman against telling the other of the gift.

"The red bead is a magical bead and whoever has it will have my unconditional love," he told each of them separately but warned that if the secret about the possession of the bead was let out, it will lose its magic.

This simple ruse worked and Mullah now had all the peace in the world!

This was because, whenever either of the wives would ask him, "Which one of us do you love the most?" all that Mullah had to answer was, "I love most the one to whom I have given the red bead." Since both the wives had red beads, everyone was happy, including the Mullah.

Thinking out of the box

It was the practice at a mental institution to discharge patients after asking them two final questions.

Of course, the progress of the patients was monitored closely and it was just a matter of custom that the patients, considered fit to be discharged, were asked these questions on the last day.

Ganya and Manya had responded well to treatment and the doctor had decided to discharge them. The doctor was, however, rueful that he had been unable to cure Manya's penchant for wearing hats. There were hardly anybody who wore hats in India and once out of the institution, a hat-wearing Manya was likely to be sniggered at by the people. Otherwise, he was fine.

Anyway, as per the custom, Ganya entered the doctor's cabin to answer his questions.

"What would happen if someone threw chilli powder into one of your eyes?" the doctor asked him.

"I would not be able to see from that eye for sometime. I would be half-blind," Ganya replied confidently and the doctor was satisfied.

"What would happen if someone threw chilli powder into both your eyes?" the doctor asked.

"I would not be able to see from both the eyes. I would be completely blind," Ganya replied. The doctor was very happy at Ganya's progress and congratulated him on his discharge.

Manya was anxiously waiting outside the cabin and when Ganya walked out he wanted to know what the doctor had asked.

Ganya told him the questions he had been asked and the replies he had given.

It was now Manya's turn. Wearing his hat, which was slightly loose fitted, he walked into the cabin.

"What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"

Manya was confused. Ganya had not told him anything about the ears. Anyway he remembered Manya's replies and answered, "I will turn half-blind."

The doctor was taken aback. It was accepted that Manya had responded well to treatment but this answer was a setback.

The doctor decided that Manya could not be discharged just yet.

Anyway, he asked the second question. "What would happen if I cut off both your ears?" the doctor asked.

"I would turn completely blind," Manya answered.

The doctor was depressed that all the treatment efforts should have gone in vain. He wanted to know how Manya would turn blind if his ears were cut off.

"Well," Manya replied, "when you cut off one ear, the part of the hat sitting on that ear would slip down and I would be half blind. When you cut off both the ears, the hat would slip over both my eyes and I would be completely blind."

Manya was also discharged.

Conscientious Cops

It was well past 3 am and the constable, who was on a patrolling duty along with his senior officer, let out a big yawn.

The constable's wife had cooked a wonderful meal. After such a sumptous meal, what the constable needed was a good sleep. But, here he was put on patrolling duty.

Similar was the state of the senior too. He too had a hearty meal and was looking forward to the watch declaring 4 am when his duty would end and he would rush home for a well-deserved sleep.

The neighbourhood was a peaceful one where no crime had been committed as far as the constable or his senior could recollect. So both had an easy life till now which, however, had caused them to put on some weight.

Suddenly, they heard the sound of a crash as if someone had jumped out from a window and had fallen down on the dried twigs outside.

The constable and his senior ran towards the direction of the sound and, sure enough, they saw a burglar making away with stolen booty.

The cops gave chase but the thief was a slender fellow and he soon outran them.

But the cops did not give up. After some time, their weight began to tell on them.

The cops huffed and puffed, but they pursued the thief. However, the constable was now really tired.

"How ... long ... should ... we ... chase him ... Sir?" he panted.

"Till the ... next ... square," the officer replied also panting. "Our ... jurisdiction ... ends there ... and besides, ... it is ... almost 4 am ... and our duty ... ends then," he explained.


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