Paid for not working!
Even after working diligently for four years, an employee did not receive any salary increase. So he decided to approach the human resources manager of his company and discuss the issue.
When he requested that his salary be raised, the manager looked at him in surprise and said, "You want a raise, but you have not worked here even for a single day.
It was the employee's turn to be surprised. "I have been here for four years!" he exclaimed.
"You may have been here for four years but you have not worked even for a single day," the manager reiterated.
The man was even more surprised to hear this, but the manager explained:
Manager: How many days are there in a year?
Manager: How many hours make up a day?
Manager: How long do you work in a day?
Manager: So, you spend only one-third of the day at work. That means, out of 365 days, you work only for 1/3x365 days, that is 122 days.
The poor man had to agree.
Manager: Now, you do not work on Saturdays and Sundays. There are 52 saturdays and 52 Sundays in a year, so I will deduct 104 days from 122. That leaves 18 days. You work only for 18 days in a year.
The man was astonished, but the manager's argument was logical. The manager did not stop. He continued.
Manager: Then, you have 14 casual leaves every year. I am sure you avail of the casual leaves.
The man nodded his head in assent. He did avail the casual leaves.
Manager: So, I will deduct these 14 days from 18 and now we are left with four days.
Manager: Do you work on January 26?
Man: No Sir, it is a holiday on account of Republic Day.
Manager: Good, so we deduct one more day from four. That leaves us with three days. Do you work on August 15?
Man: No Sir, it is a holiday on account of Independence Day.
Manager: So another day gone and we are left with two days. Do you get holidays during Diwali and Christmas festivals?
The man agreed that he does not have to come to work on those two days.
Manager: So you see, you do not work for even a single day and the company is doing a favour by offering you any salary.
The man walked out of the manager's cabin convinced that he had been taking the company's favour all these years.
Height of things!
The height of Fashion - Dhoti with a zip.
The height of Secrecy - Offering blank visiting cards.
The height of Laziness - Asking for a lift while on a morning walk.
The height of Craziness - Getting a photo copy of a blank paper.
The height of Forgetfulness - Looking at the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw the person last.
The height of Stupidity - Looking through the keyhole of a glass door.
The height of Honesty - A pregnant woman taking one-and-half tickets.
The height of Suicide - A dwarf jumping from the footpath on to the road.
The height of De-hydration - A cow giving milk powder.
A young businessman buys the best car available. It is the best and most expensive car in the world.
Delighted, the young man takes out the car for his first ride.
He has to bring the car to a halt as the traffic signal turns red.
While he is waiting for the light to turn green, an old man on a moped pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over the sleek car and is highly impressed. "Nice car you have there son," he tells young man.
The young man is naturally happy and he wants to show off.
"This car can do up to 200 kilometres an hour!" he tells the old man proudly.
The old man asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner.
After peeking in, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
Just then, the light changes, so the young man decides to show the old man what his car can do. He presses the accelerator and within 20 seconds the speedometer reads 200 kmph.
The young man, then, slows down sure that the old man must have been left far behind.
Suddenly, he notices something in his rear view mirror which seems to be getting closer .... and, then shoot past him.
"What on earth could be going faster than my car?" the young man is amazed.
Then, ahead of him, he sees the same thing coming toward him again. As the thing comes closer, the young man discovers that it is the old man on the moped, but riding backwards!
The moped goes by again, now overtaking him and going ahead.
This back and forth movement of the moped repeats a few times before the moped crashes against the rear of the car.
The young man is astounded and he decides to buy the moped from the old man at whatever cost.
But before that, he has to help the old man who has now fallen on the ground.
He runs up to the old man and says, "You're hurt! What can I do for you?" The old man groans and replies, "You can unhook my elastic suspenders from your ...... side-view mirror!"