A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and calls over the waiter. Reading from the menu, he tells the waiter,"I would like one under-cooked egg so that it's running and one over-cooked egg so that it is tough and hard to eat. I would also like burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it is impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee."
The waiter is taken aback by such an order. "That is a complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult."
The guest replied sarcastically, "It can't be that difficult because that is exactly what you brought me yesterday!"
One day few friends were sitting in a cafe and discussing the marital discords that marred their lives.
Friend after friend related how the wives bossed over them and they were rendered slaves in their own homes.
One friend related how his wife did not allow him to take even the smallest of decisions. "I cannot even decide on the colour of the paint for the house," he lamented. Another sighed as he related how he was made to eat potatoes every single day. A third drew a long face and said he had to go without food if he reached home late - he was not even served potatoes!
Only one man appeared contented. "My wife and I never argue or quarrel," he said. "We enjoy a blissful life." The others were astonished and felt that he was lying. How was it possible for a husband and wife to have never quarreled, they could not understand.
How do you manage it?" they wanted to know.
"Oh it is all very simple, really. On the very day that we got married, my wife and I decided on one thing: I will always take the bigger decisions while she would take care of the smaller things."
"For instance?" the friends were curious to know.
He said, "Small matters like what to cook, what make of car we should purchase and to which school our children should go to, are decided by her. I decide the bigger things like what kind of agricultural policy the country should pursue, the incentives that the government should provide to the automobile sector, and the education policy to be implemented in the country. There is, therefore, complete bliss in our home."
Outsmarting the smart beggar
Mullah Nasruddin was walking home from the market when he was accosted by two beggars who began pestering him for alms.
The Mullah looked at the first beggar who, though wearing dirty clothes, was himself looking rather clean.
"Do you bathe regularly?" Mullah asked him.
"I do," replied the first beggar.
"So you must be requiring soap?" Mullah inquired.
The beggar nodded his head in agreement.
The Mullah could smell cigarette smoke as the beggar spoke.
"So, you smoke too?" Mullah asked.
The beggar could not deny. "Yes," he replied in a small voice.
"you must be drinking liqour as well, I suppose?" Mullah wanted to know.
The beggar saw all his hopes of getting something from the Mullah vanishing. He, therefore, became bolder and retorted, "Yes, I drink also. So does everyone."
Mullah dug into his pockets, drew out four copper coins and handed them over to the beggar. The beggar was surprised.
All this while, the second beggar was listening to the conversation very intently. He reasoned that if the Mullah could give an extravagant beggar four copper coins, then an austere beggar could eke out much more from the Mullah.
Now it was the turn of the second beggar to seek alms.
Mullah repeated the same questions to him.
"Do you bathe regularly?"
"No sir, I do not have the money to visit the bath houses. Sometimes I do take a dip in the river," the second beggar replied.
"Do you smoke?" Mullah asked him.
"I have never touched a cigarette in my life," was the answer.
"Do you drink?"
"Have never taken a drop in my life. I hate the smell of liqour," the second beggar said.
Mullah once again dug into his pockets, took out a copper coin and handed it over to the second beggar.
The second beggar was surprised. "Why have you given me, an austere and pious man, only one copper coin while you gave this extravagant fellow four coins?" he wanted to know.
Mullah sighed. "That's because his needs are greater than yours," he said and walked away.